Mark Boudreaux’s gallery of shame

Unbelievable. As it turns out, the reason Hasbro’s new Millennium Falcon toy failed to correct any of the problems that plagued the original toy is… because they hired the same guy to design the new one!

Mark Boudreaux was apparently responsible for designing the original toy AND the new “BMF” version, which goes a long way towards explaining why they’re both so depressingly off-model. As I explained earlier, my biggest problem with either Falcon toy is the grossly inaccurate proportions, including a comically oversized cockpit and a pathetically undersized rectenna dish.

Here’s how the Falcon’s supposed to look (taken directly from Star Wars):

Here’s Boudreaux’s original version, beloved by all us ignorant children of the ’80s:

And here’s his latest failure, which looks almost as bad and costs way more money.

One area where clear improvement was made over the Kenner toy is the new boarding ramp, which now looks a lot more film-accurate (and makes a nifty sound as it automatically lowers!). However, while Han will likely be able to squeeze his way into the ship, Chewie and Artoo are denied access.

Even if they could fit up that narrow ramp, though, they’ve got a very steep climb!

Compare that inclination to the original Falcon set from Star Wars:

Even model kits from the ’70s managed to get the ramp inclination right…

…although Boudreaux never cared to (as this photo of the old Kenner toy shows).

When it came to his new version, though, Boudreaux’s biggest insult was to include one of his ill-conceived “Mini-Rig” toy designs, this bizarre one-man pod that fits into the port docking ring.

That space should’ve been used for an elevator tube leading to an emergency top hatch (as seen in The Empire Strikes Back and the 1978 TV special), as opposed to that so-called “escape vehicle” (as seen only in Boudreaux’s runaway imagination). What a waste of money and resources.

And just to further annoy obsessed Falconophiles such as myself, this new sculpt was clearly based upon the 32″ studio model built for The Empire Strikes Back, itself a much smaller and less detailed miniature than the original Millennium Falcon used for Star Wars (and for all the close-up shots in Empire). One dead giveaway there is the absurd testicle-like protrusion on the front mandible wall, just ahead of the cockpit, which never existed on any other model or full-scale set mockup apart from the 32″ Empire model.

These bizarre protrusions on either side of the top cannon are even more inexcusable, as their only reason for existence is to trigger (non-existent) missiles from the top cannons, and don’t represent any version of the Millennium Falcon.

I’d go on, but I can see you’re clearly sick of hearing me whine about this toy, and would rather see my recent Transformers, Gundam, Battlestar Galactica (and of course, new Star Wars) acquisitions. Check back shortly, I promise you’ll find more new content.

If you really do care about the BMF, however (and some of you obviously do!), you’ll notice I’ve expanded my previous entry about this toy with further photographs as well… ’cause I just can’t quit bitching about it!

Too little, too late

Hasbro’s long-awaited “Legacy Collection” Millennium Falcon toy (known to Star Wars collectors like myself as the “BMF”) has finally arrived on the shelves of our local Toys ‘R’ Us, which means there’s finally one in my collection!

There was only one on the shelves when I bought it, and I wasn’t about to wait until I could come back with my wife’s car this time… so I actually brought it home on the back of my bike!

Contrary to reports to the contrary, however, it sucks.

Obviously, scale matters as little to Hasbro as it did 30 years ago, since this new Falcon toy has all the same problems the original toy had:

- the ship’s less than half the size it should be, and the proportions are all wrong

- accuracy has been deliberately compromised to accommodate “play features”

- the cockpit’s comically oversized, giving the ship a “super-deformed” profile

- the rectenna dish is pathetically undersized

- the boarding ramp is absurdly steep, because the ship sits much too high on its “landing gear”

- the cockpit access tube is missing

- the lower gunner station is non-existent

- the interiors are grossly out-of-scale, and too small to fit the figures properly

Oh, it’s an improvement over the original Kenner toy from the ’70s, assuredly, but not by much… and it also costs nearly ten times as much.  I’m quite happy with it myself, though, ’cause it suits my super-deformed “Kubrick” Star Wars figures perfectly!

Ironically enough, what Hasbro again failed to do — produce a Millennium Falcon to scale with their action figure line — had already been done by Attakus, a French company that produces limited-edition metal dioramas.  While it’s ridiculously heavy and expensive, it shows how accurate and detailed a 1:18th Falcon could’ve been…

…whereas the only room that’s properly scaled to the action figures here is the upper gunner station.  It’s not the right shape, exactly, but it looks pretty good when lit from above, and it fits the pack-in Han Solo figure well.

If only they’d included a second gunwell for Luke this time…

AT-TE: A Ten-Ton Elephant?

Actually no, it’s an All-Terrain Tactical Enforcer, a massive new Star Wars toy from Hasbro’s new Clone Wars line. This one’s so big, I decided I’d have to borrow my wife’s car just so I could get it home from Toys ‘R’ Us!

The AT-TE is a pretty imposing sight, heavily armored and bristling with cannons, although the driver looks a little exposed in the front there. I’d feel much safer in the cockpit of an AT-AT, an AT-ST, or even on a speeder bike…!

It’s too crowded in the toy room to get decent shots of this behemoth, so I brought it down to the living room. I’d love to fill it with Clone Troopers, but (as you can see in the background) all my loose clones are already in the Republic Gunship!

There are two interior sections to the AT-TE, both of which feature gunner stations for each of the projectile-launching cannons. The forward section features four highly detailed stations, from the grating on the floor to the ceiling controls.

The back section features gunner stations for the two rear cannons, as well as weapons racks and space for twelve additional Clone Troopers.

Watch this video demonstration of the sophisticated mechanism that controls the disembarkation ramp, and hear the sound it makes as it automatically lowers. So cool!

As has been the case since the early days of Kenner’s Star Wars playsets, strategically-placed pegs molded into the floors allow for figures to be firmly attached all over the surface, making for some pretty dynamic poses!

In fact, I liked this pose so much I took a few more pictures.

The rear-projected background is just the screensaver my computer happened to be running at the time.

Now, if only I had as many Clone Trooper figures as Hasbro had on display at the San Diego Comicon…!

It’s been a long time since Hasbro released a Star Wars toy this large — larger, in fact, than any released during the twenty years Kenner produced Star Wars toys. It’s not as tall as the Kenner AT-AT or the Imperial Shuttle, nor as long as the Rebel Transport or the Naboo Royal Starship, but it’s bulkier and more sophisticated than any of them.

What’s more, it’s got one important advantage over every other Star Wars playset or vehicle produced at this size, even the new “Legacy Collection” Millennium Falcon: it’s actually to scale with the action figures! Way to go, Hasbro! It’s about time.

Better late than never!

In 1984, the first season of The Transformers introduced nearly fifty Transformer characters to audiences around the world, virtually all of which were released as toys — all, that is, save one significant exception.

Skyfire, largest of the original Autobot characters, played a pivotal role in two early episodes and appeared throughout the remainder of the season (as well as the Marvel comics). A Skyfire Transformer, however, was never produced, which may explain why the character disappeared after the first season. Now, however — over two decades later — we finally have a Skyfire toy.

Given the character was designed first, and the toy subsequently based on the animated design (as opposed to the first ninety Transformers released, that were toys to begin with), a great deal of compromise was required in designing the Skyfire toy. The booster-rocket backpack, for instance, is clearly modeled after the Macross Valkyrie design — as is the fuselage — and bears little resemblance to Skyfire’s jetpack.

I may custom-build my own alternative backpack for this toy later on, just to bring it closer to the animated depiction.

Moving on…

In 1986, Transformers: The Movie established a whole new cast of characters, settings, and even lifeforms to the mythology, most notably the biorganic Quintessons.

While almost all the new Autobots, Decepticons, Junkions, and even Sharkticons depicted in the film were represented in toy form, none of the Quintesson designs were released. Now, however — over two decades later — we finally have Quintesson toys.

To the best of my knowledge, these are only available through certain online retailers, or auction sites like eBay (where I got mine). There’s nothing to indicate they’re a legitimately-licensed product, or that “Impossible Toys” has even had contact with Hasbro or Takara regarding rights issues… Indeed, look at their bare-bones Website and you’ll see that Transformers nomenclature like “energon” and “Kremzeek” aren’t even spelled correctly! Still, since no legitimate toys of these characters were ever produced back in the day, I welcome the work of anyone with the resources to mass-produce their custom figures for collectors like myself, especially when they’re done with this level of sophistication and quality. Note the transparent plastic stands are designed to light up, representing the beams of light these creatures travel around on.

They may not be licensed Transformers product, but they suffer from the same problems that plague all legitimate Transformer toys — they’re not to scale with each other. While the Quintesson Judge character seems designed in scale with the classic movie toy line (most notably the Sharkticon), the Scientist was clearly produced at a much larger scale, making it appear about three times larger than it should next to the Judge. Note the relative scales of Quintesson (Judge), human (Spike), and Autobot (Ultra Magnus) as depicted in the original Transformers TV series:

The Quintesson Scientist, by comparison, is not much taller than the human it captures.

Thus, despite all the myriad scales that Transformers toys have been released in to date, the Quintesson Scientist is to scale with… none whatsoever. I guess I’ll have to display him with my Star Wars figures or something.

Toy companies make mistakes like this all the time; dedicated fans, however, ought to know better.

Moving on…

In 1987, the first Bubblegum Crisis animated video was released, depicting a quartet of female vigilantes-for-hire fighting sophisticated androids in a dark future Tokyo.

In a market overwhelmingly dominated by male action heroes and robots as big as buildings, the women protagonists and their form-fitting armored “hardsuits” left a lasting impression on the anime scene. Of particular note were the transformable motorcycles, called “Motoslaves.”

Despite numerous sequels, spin-offs, and a TV series remake, very little Bubblegum Crisis merchandise was ever released, much less transformable toys. (Fan-produced garage kits and unpainted soft-vinyl figures were as close as we got.) Now, however — over two decades later — we finally have a Motoslave toy.

Not only does it make an imposing robot, but it transforms into a kick-ass motorcycle for the figure to ride, too!

Note how closely the sculpt reproduces the animation models designed way back in the ’80s, both in motorcycle and robot modes:

And of course, just as it appears in the animated series, the Motoslave robot also acts as an exoskeleton for the pilot.

See the Priss figure inside?

The animation never really did justice to the brilliance of Shinji Aramaki’s mecha design, and (like the “movie color” Macross SDF-1 I reviewed earlier) it takes a really accurate toy to illustrate the sophistication and elegance of the Motoslave.

An extremely well-illustrated Japanese review of the toy can be found here.

The real question, of course, is why did we have to wait over twenty years for all these wonderful toys to come out?!

My Star Wars teddy bears

I now have a complete set of adorable Bearbrick Star Wars characters, thanks to my adorable friend Akimi!

Like all Bearbricks, these are plastic action figures of a teddy bear, identical sculpts that differ only in their paint schemes. These 16 have been painted to represent various iconic Star Wars characters, both from the original trilogy and the new films, and some of them are quite inventive in how they reproduce established creatures and robots. I particularly like the upset expression on Chewbacca’s face (front row center), the shiny vacuum-metallized paint job on the C-3PO bear (back row center), and the creative license taken with the R2-D2 paint scheme — not an easy design to apply to a teddy bear! As these are only sold with 500ml bottles of Pepsi NEX, they’re only available in Japanese convenience stores and supermarkets; completing a full set required a lot of running around town (not to mention the cooperation of my friends Kevin, Jason and Akimi). I could’ve simply bought a full set from the secondary collector’s market — an online auction site, for instance — but where’s the fun in that?

1:6 stragglers

Whoops! In my previous post, I neglected to mention these twelve-inch figures, that don’t fit into my twelve-inch figure display because (despite being a consistent 1:6 scale) they’re a lot more than twelve inches high! Instead, they adorn this upright showcase in the screening room.

First of all, there’s the fantastically large and expensive “Hot Toys” Power Loader with Ripley figure, from James Cameron’s masterpiece Aliens. It’s got built-in lights and hydraulic hoses and more points of articulation than I can count, and despite its considerable size and weight, it’s remarkably well-balanced. It’s also more accurate than even the filming miniature… apart from Ripley’s costume, that is.

Next is a Japanese soft-vinyl figure of H.R. Giger’s “dog alien” from Alien 3, that’s so delightfully creepy and disturbing that my wife actually asked me to remove it from the living room. After some further negotiating, she learned to accept its presence… after all, it’s placement is so aesthetically perfect that even she had to admit it belongs up there.

Finally, perhaps my most popular figure is this highly-detailed Kotobukiya Spider-Man (based on the costume designed for Sam Raimi’s film), hanging securely from the speaker wire that runs down the wall to the surround channels in the back.

He came with a green stand in the shape of a spire to hang from, but as always, I have very little use for stands… And while he’s small enough to fit with all the other 1:6 figures in my living room floor showcase, the dynamic pose lends itself to a much more prominent location for display.

He plays with dolls?

Back when “dolls” and “action figures” meant the same thing — like, fifty years ago — 1:6 was the standard figure scale, established with the popularity of product lines like Barbie and G.I.Joe, and quickly became the industry standard. These figures usually had rubbery plastic bodies, cloth accessories, and sometimes real hair, nothing like the all-plastic action figures that have been around since Star Wars toys popularized smaller-scale products. Since the 1990s, 1:6 scale figures with removable clothing (often referred to as “playscale” or “twelve-inch figures”) have become collectible among adults, and are often high-end products aimed at the collector’s market, with retail prices well over a hundred dollars. For someone like me, who grew up on 1:18 scale Star Wars figures, these dolls don’t hold a lot of interest for me. Therefore, I only have a few figures at this scale, and they’re all on display in this glass showcase on my living room floor.

Most of these are Japanese vinyl figures, made of soft, cheap plastic and relatively cheap, and they have little-to-no articulation to speak of. The three up front are Leiji Matsumoto characters from 1974’s Space Battleship Yamato. (Nadia from The Secret of Blue Water is also visible in the background.)

Behind them is Maetel, from Galaxy Express 999 (also a Leiji Matsumoto character), and two principal characters from Super Dimensional Fortress Macross.

Note the accuracy of Maetel’s eyelashes, that extend well beyond the edge of her face!

To their left is one of the aforementioned high-end figures, the Aoshima endoskeleton from The Terminator, with a soft-vinyl Alien (based on the Alien: Resurrection design) in the background:

In the center is another expensive figure, the Hot Toys ED-209 from RoboCop. He’s flanked by Lupin III and Ginrei (of Giant Robo fame) on his left, and Misato Kisaragi and Pen-Pen from Evangelion on his right.

In front of ED are a collection of characters from PIXAR’s Toy Story. These are all from the “Disney Magical Collection,” a line of Japanese-exclusive figures produced by TOMY, and included in this display because they’re more-or-less 1:6 scale reproductions of the actual toys produced for (and depicted in) the Toy Story films.

I especially like the little scale toy soldier figures, one of which was packaged with each of the principal characters in blister-packed cards (which you may be able to make out in this packaged group shot):

The remaining Toy Story characters in the showcase are not from the same product line, and thus they’re not exactly to scale (most notably RC and Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head, who should be about twice the size they are).

Of note here is the 1:6 scale toy Optimus Prime (that comes complete with authentically-scaled ’80s packaging!), which I included with the Toy Story characters because it’s also a toy representation… of a toy! The Sideshow/Medicom Yoda figure is similarly convincing — seeing as the character was just a rubber puppet to begin with — but I wouldn’t have paid anywhere near the $60 retail value for it. In fact, it only caught my eye when I found it in a Toys ‘R’ Us clearance bin for 500 yen.

Probably the oldest of the figures in this display are the Boba Fett and Stormtroopers from Marmit, Japanese-exclusive Star Wars dolls of unparalleled quality and accuracy, and with price points to match. The Evangelion Rei and Asuka figures are also Japanese, but not nearly as valuable; and that Terminator figure (based on the T-850 from Terminator 3) is American, from McFarlane toys.

Oh, and the six-foot glass showcase was found a few blocks from my house, rotting away in the front yard of an old couple’s house. The back of the case was replaced with a couple of mirrored panels, the legs were removed, and a great deal of time was spent sanding the frame down and repainting it before I brought it into my living room…!

A Prime find

Transformers nostalgia week continues here in the toy room, thanks to a trip to the Toys ‘R’ Us in the big Kurashiki City shopping mall (about 40 min. outside of Okayama). I found several of the aforementioned “Classics” Bumblebee there, and the other characters from the line, too… and when I saw this new version of Optimus Prime, I couldn’t resist. How cool is this?

Thanks to Hasbro’s “light-pipe” technology, the eyes refract any light from behind or above the figure through the blue-tinted plastic piece that forms the back of Prime’s head. Is that awesome or what? I’m so impressed by the proportions of this figure, and the articulation; it makes for some very cool poses. Even non-transformable Prime action figures never look this cool, and this one just-so-happens to transform into a stylish little cab:

The chrome grill and bumper identify this as the Japanese “Henkei” version of the toy, as opposed to the ugly US release. Note the smokestacks, that become Prime’s gun in robot mode — like the “Binaltech” line, these Transformers have fully-integrated parts (something the toy line sadly lacked back when I was a kid, when leftover parts like weapons were often lost or misplaced). The Spike figure is included for scale again here, beside the “Classics” Bumblebee. Turns out Bumblebee wasn’t the only cool new toy in this product line!

Hoping for another winner, I also bought the Hot Rod figure:

Not quite the triumph of design his “Classics” brethren represent, Hot Rod still makes for a pretty cool robot, and far more sophisticated than any previous incarnation of the character. Gotta love those light-pipe eyes!

The parts don’t fit together as tightly as I’d like in vehicle mode, but the gold-plated spoiler is a nice touch:

Look closely, and you’ll make out the steering wheel and the seats sculpted into the body of the vehicle (giving the illusion of depth that isn’t really there).

I wasn’t so fond of his simplistic cannon accessory, but again, it’s well-integrated into the vehicle mode:

It’s designed with a spring-launch mechanism and a silly missile accessory, which explains the cross-shape of the opening. Since I had no interest in play features like firing missiles anyway, I hollowed out the opening and painted it to look more like a jet engine, something like the modern Batmobiles feature.

It won’t have much resale value now, but I think it’s a definite improvement.

Now, if any Transformers toy collectors are reading, can you tell what minor modification I made to the Optimus Prime figure above?

What’s in a name?

Man, that David Willis guy and his comic strip have got me thinking about Transformers a lot these days.

You know, Hasbro naming conventions weren’t terribly imaginative in the ’80s:

“The Stunticons and the Combaticons weren’t in Transformers: The Movie (nor were the Predacons, the Duocons, the Seacons, the Firecons, the Triggercons, the Terrorcons, Bludgeon or Trypticon, of course), but the Constructicons and the Insecticons were there, along with the Junkions, the Sharkticons, the Quintessons and Unicron, who made Megatron into Galvatron to lead the Decepticons to Cybertron.”

Hey, let’s try switching “on” to “off” and see what happens!

“The Stunticoffs and the Combaticoffs weren’t in Transformers: The Movie (nor were the Predacoffs, the Duocoffs, the Seacoffs, the Firecoffs, the Triggercoffs, the Terrorcoffs, Bludgeoff or Trypticoff, of course), but the Constructicoffs and the Insecticoffs were there, along with the Junkioffs, the Sharkticoffs, the Quintessoffs and Unicroff, who made Megatroff into Galvatroff to lead the Decepticoffs to Cybertroff.”

Hmm… That wasn’t nearly as amusing as I’d hoped it would be.

Try this instead, then: What would the Transformers think of PIXAR’s Cars?

A Web comic that speaks to me!

Comic strip artist and pop-culture enthusiast David Willis has created this wonderful semi-autobiographical Web comic called Shortpacked!, about the daily adventures of a toy collector and his co-workers at a toy store. Only a true collector could identify with his obsession with toy hunts, case breakdowns, variations, distribution, articulation, paint applications, and free shelving…

The strip primarily focuses on a small group of core characters and their individual quirks:

But also features plenty of references to toy franchises of the ’80s, including Transformers:

G.I. Joe:

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:

Star Wars:

Oh, and video games, too!

Modern sci-fi pop culture isn’t left out, mind you.

Anyone familiar with the new Battlestar: Galactica series can appreciate the truth of this strip!

If you have the time, I highly recommend starting from the beginning and following the whole story online, or better yet, purchase an old-fashioned print version! It’s a smart, funny, and addictive read for geeks like us. I haven’t enjoyed a Web comic this much since Non Stop Pop, and (apart from a one-shot Holiday Special) that one’s been on hiatus for over a year now…